The Need for Approval from Others

"You must begin to trust yourself. If you do not, then you will forever be looking to others to prove your own merit to you, and you will never be satisfied. You will always be  asking others what to do and at the same time resenting those from whom you seek such aid." Author unknown When we are growing up, we are constantly told what do by others. Other people shape us and teach us about the world and ourselves. Rarely are we encouraged to listen to ourselves: our hearts, bodies, and minds. We are taught to value other's opinions more than our own.

Trusting ourselves is, therefore, something that doesn't come easily, and loving  ourselves is almost impossible, because we seek to please others and not ourselves. Just think, if we were all to take individual responsibility for our own lives and our own happiness, then there would be no need to call anyone else selfish, because we would not be dependent on others to make us happy or to validate our worth.

Lou Holtz, the great football coach said, “If you desperately need people to like you, you will never have their respect. You must be willing to tell people when they do not meet the standards of excellence and you must be willing to correct their mistakes. You must be willing to look for the things people do right. More importantly, if we catch people doing things right, that will motivate them and make them enthusiastic and give them the passion to do the correct thing.”

Holding people accountable for their actions is an important step in leadership. Building people up to become what they can become requires accountability. A person cannot become what they can become when they do anything halfway. When a person does not do their best, they not only cheat other people, but they cheat themselves.  Everyone loses out on something that they can get of value from you.

The best way to become the best you can become is to be of service to others. So what does lead to success for people?

1. Have passion for what you do.

2. Persist and work through all of the rejections, critisisms, and people that will tell you you will not succeed.

3. Be good at what you do.

4. Listen and observe others and solve their problems.

5. Serve others something of value.

The best way to get approval from others, is to give others approval. A leader isn't good because they are right, they are good because they are willing to learn from others and to trust others.

Be WUCA!(c) to others. Be Welcome, Understand, Comfort, and Appreciate!

Coaching in the Classroom - students at risk?

If you have a student in an Iowa public school, you'll be interested in following what we do with Coaching in the Classroom (CIC). If you don't live in Iowa, CIC concepts work anywhere! We have begun our third year working with 7th - 12th-graders in the Coon Rapids-Bayard School District. We'll use this CIC blog to give a weekly update of our activities, giving you conversation starters to consider implementing in your own homes with your own families and we bet you learn something about each other in the process!

Let's start with some basic info.

When a child begins kindergarten in Iowa, full of life, energy, ideas, and attitude, the school district, under direction from the Iowa Department of Education, begins to track their behaviors. Behaviors that we use from the DE are these: if students are tardy to school and/or class, have low scores on standardized tests like Iowa Test of Basic Skills, are failing any classes, and are not participating in extracurricular activities. If a student meets any two of these four criteria, the local school district and the DE consider them "at-risk" of not graduating on time with their class.

In the CR-B district, to uphold their mission to educate all students, high school students with at least two criteria become students of Coaching in the Classroom, where they have the opportunity to learn a host of concepts not regularly found in general classroom settings. We know that many students with whom we work are more "creative" in school, and tend to have a more difficult time being a successful student. They likely will be the students who either attend a two-year trade or community college program, or enter the workforce upon graduating from high school. These students will likely run our towns in rural areas someday. To encourage and engage them, CIC teaches workplace and social skills, leadership behaviors, character development, positive communication, and citizenship, expecting that they will be future mayors, sit on school boards, church committees, city councils and boards of supervisors.

Two critical things to keep in mind:

  • the local school district is not punishing the student by keeping track of them and their behaviors. In fact, watching students is an excellent way to encourage them to take school more seriously and encourage them to try new things.
  • whether or not a student is considered "at-risk" is completely within their own power to change. All that needs to be done is get to school and class on time. Take tests seriously and do their best. Study hard so they pass all their classes. Sign up for an activity to learn some teamwork or new skills. School officials look at behaviors each semester and if a student has changed their own behavior so that DE criteria no longer pertains to them, they are off the "at-risk" list.

Check with your school's office to see how your child measures up. Then take the opportunity to shape some successful behaviors with your student. If you need some help, let us know!

Have a Be WUCA!(c) week!